Sexylep ugotavlja: Bálkan nostalgija međénskami
Balkan nostalgija med ženskami
Pa sem spet ugotovil nekaj novega. Sicer ta stvar niti ni tako nova, a vendar. Naj za začetek povem, da sem 100% Slovenec, 50% Primorec po očetovi in 50% Šiškar po materini strani. Bil sem rojen, vzgojen, rejen in občudovan v Sloveniji. Trenutno sem uživač t.i. alternativne scene in večni romantik, ki ne prenese pogovorov o oddajah z Discovery Channela med seksom. Tudi moji stari starši so Slovenci. In prav zaradi tega pri marsikateri Slovenki nimam nikakršnih možnosti za pogovor, zmenek, poljub ali celo kaj več (ja, kaj pa drugega kot seks sploh še ostane?).
Dejstvo je, da vse več Slovenk ‘pade’ na Hrvate, Srbe, Bošnjake, Makedonce, Albance… Skratka vse kar ni ‘Slovenec’ (sem sem vštel tudi t.i. ćapce, op.a.). Nemogoče, pravite? Pa je! Vsaj kar se mene tiče (mimogrede: Nisem ksenofob ali pa kaj podobnega, da ne bo pomote!).
Pa bom kar prišel na bistvo vsega in Vam predstavil ‘problem’ z raznimi situacijami. Priznam, da se ne oblačim modno in da imam veliko raje kot modne hlače in majice z bleščečimi verižicami navadne kavbojke, po možnosti malo strgane, sprano majico in 30-let staro ‘old school’ jopico, ki ima velik potencial, da nase privabi kakšno zanimivo družinico moljev. Namesto čevljev ali modnih superg, ki v prosti prodaji stanejo več kot 20000 SITnih pa imam raje t.i. All-starke, ki se zaradi ‘zgonjenosti’ na vse kriplje trudijo, da ne razpadejo. Namesto uhanov v ušesih imam raje knoflje na majici. Namesto dve kili oskubljenega želeja s sadne torte na glavi pa imam raje popolnoma umite ali pa semi-umite lase. Pač, tak sem! J*bat ga! Zdaj pa k bistvu…
Recimo, da me je, meni nič tebi nič, iznenada v glavo zadel opečnik in s tem popolnoma spremenil vse, po čemer sem v svoji družbi znan. Začnem se vesti drugače, neham poslušati rock in vse kar spada zraven, namesto piva in vina začnem piti Red Bull-vodke, sambuke, koktejle, Breezerje in ostale pijače s sumljivo fluorescentnimi barvami. Vse svoje dosedanje obleke polijem z jogurtom ter zažgem na črno in si kupim nove, modne. Spodnje hlače je oblikoval Giorgio Armanni, nogavice so stale več kot pet-delni obrok v povprečni restavraciji, hlače so iz najboljšega materiala na trgu, zgoraj pa imam oblečeno oprijeto majčko, na kateri piše “Caution: Objects in my pants are larger than they appear!”. Ker sem že preveč v tej pop sceni se odpravim v ljubljansko diskoteko, v alternativni sceni znana tudi kot ’shite na strehi’, Global. Tam si poskušam najti žensko…
- 1. situacija: Ker sem še vedno kolikor tolikor pri sebi in ne maram plesati na pesem Madonne, ki jo vsak dan na avtoradiu slišim 20x, se oglasim pri VIP šanku, kjer me začne opazovati brhka mladenka, vredna greha. Nekaj časa koketirava, ko naposled le pristopim zraven in jo pozdravim… Sledi dialog:
Sexylep: “Zdravo! Jaz sem sončna ura, ti si moje sonce… Kako kej lajf?”
Mladenka: “Plači pijačo pa ti povem!”
Sexylep: “!@*%& (kletvica v mislih)! Dobr, naj ti bo. Kaj boš pila?”
Mladenka: “Ta koktejlček bi. Uf, kako je drag! Ja, tega bom!”
Sexylep: “!@*%&!!! OK, tle maš! No, zdej pa lahko poveš kako kej? Kako ti je pa ime sploh?”
Mladenka: “Sori, a maš kšne balkanske korenine?”
Sexylep: “Ne?”
Mladenka: “Pol se nimam s tabo kej več ment, ker si gnil! Spizdi preden me vidjo s tabo!”
- 2. situacija: Po prvem neuspelem poiskusu se odpravim na teraso, kjer kar margoli žensk v mini kiklah (sleng.: minić), z ‘nafrfuljenimi’ frizurami in z make-upom, na katerega bi bil ponosen celo sam Boy George. Nič ne oklevam in kar pristopim k eni:
Sexylep: “Topla noč, k’nede?”
Mladenka 2: “Ja, pa svetla tud! Lih prav svetla, da lahko občudujem odrezek karte s koncerta Gibonnija v Puli!”
Sexylep: “(smeh) Kva maš to? Gibonni? (smeh še enkrat… kratek premor in smeh še dvakrat)”
Mladenka 2: “Ja! Veš, moj bivši ima stare starše s Hrvaške in mi ga je priporočil. Kok je luštkan ta tip! Aaaaa!”
Sexylep: “(smeh še četrtič v razmaku parih sekund) Pa to je tko kokr, če bi ti js zdej pokazu karto s koncerta Giannija Rijavca, no! Al pa od Spidi&Gogi! Ne morš tko se s tem hvalt, no!”
Mladenka 2: “Kdo je to Gianni Rijavec? A je on kej balkan scena?”
Sexylep: “Ne, to je tip k tm o enih golobih poje pa o miru. Kva js vem…”
Mladenka 2: “V kakšnem jeziku?”
Sexylep: “Ja v slovenskem, p*zda!“
Mladenka 2: “Aja, pol ne j*bem pol posto. Dej spizdi stran k si gnil!” - 3. situacija: Rahlo siten se odpravim nazaj v diskoteko, kjer se usedem za mizo ob oknu. Nekaj minut si ogledujem sceno, nato pa odidem na plesišče, kjer s premetavanjem ravnotežja z ene na drugo nogo (brez gibanja rok) improviziram neke vrste ples. Vame se obregne punca z bleščečim obrazomi in me popolnoma oslepi. Nekaj časa mine, ko pridem do spoznanja, da ima na očeh vsaj 10 dkg bleščic, ustnice pa namazane z Labello Pearl & Shine. K sreči imam s seboj svoja nova, modna, sončna očala, ki si jih nemudoma nataknem na nos (tudi ne vem zakaj si jih nisem prej dal gor, saj je zadnje čase zelo v modi, da nosiš sončna očala tudi ponoči oziroma v temi, op.a.). No, zdaj jo pa lahko vidim… Začne se pogovor:
Sexylep: “Matr si bleščeča k sama Marija, porkaš!”
Mladenka 3: “A maš starce z juga?”
Sexylep: “Ne, zakaj?”
Mladenka 3: “Dej zamiž mal!” (in odpleše stran).
Sexylep (ko odpre oči): “!@*%&!!!!@*%&!!!” - 4. situacija: Od vsega gneva, ki se nabira v meni skadim 2,7 škatlice cigaret. Enostavno spoznam, da v Globalu nimam nikakršnih možnosti spoznati žensko, ki me ne bo poslala nekam že po prvih sekundah pogovora. Ko spijem še zadnji požirek neke fluorescentno-roza pijače, z okusom po ceneni vodki, se odpravim proti sanitarijam (o higienskem minimumu sanitarij bom razpredal kdaj drugič, op.a.). Ker sem pozabil sneti sončna očala z oči sem seveda zavil proti ženskemu stranišču. Tam zagledam žensko, ki je bila od mene oddaljena cca. 5m:
Sexylep: “Opa. Sori, sm mislu, da je to moški skret!”
Mladenka 4: “Čau! A greva na enga ta hitrega?”
Sexylep: “Opa, drugi del! Ja loh ane… Končno ena k me ne…”
Mladenka 4: “Znaš rečt žLeb?”
Sexylep: “Am… Žleb?”
Mladenka 4: “Ne, ne reče se žLeb, ampak okokućni kiśopiś! Nisi ti naś, a? Marš, prôkLeti konju jedan! Ne bom se daLa doL s tabo, če to misLš, ker se po kLubu (sleng.: diskać) govori, da nimaš babice iz Bosne. Bejž vn! Pa še ćapac nisi! JebaLa te Karmen Stavec koja te je ustvariLa!!”
Sexylep: “Sori ti, z nogami na ‘o’. Ma ne bi te dirnu s kikirikijem, majkémi! Prokleta kravétina jedna! !@*%&!“
Mladenka 4: “PrôkLeti bk bLesaf!”
In s tem dejanjem se konča neuspešna noč v Globalu. Domov pridem vidno okajen, brez ženske, brez denarja in brez avta, saj mi ga je tik pred nosom odpeljal pajek.
Mogoče sem se skozi celotno ‘kolumno’ nekoliko oddaljil od rdeče niti. Ne vem. Morda. Vseeno pa upam, da sem Vam nekako približal svojo ugotovitev, da vse več Slovenk ‘pade’ na nekdanje brate iz časov SFRJ in na Slovence, ki jim poskušajo biti podobni (sleng.: ćapci). Obstaja možnost, da temu ni tako. Vsekakor pa sem to zadevo opazil in Vam jo zaupal.
Avgust 6th, 2006 at 9:39
:-)) vse, kar lahko rečem tudi tebi, je to, da se pač giblješ v napačnem okolju. Močno dvomim, da boš v Globalu našel dekle, ki ima kolikor toliko pospravljeno podstrešje. ne zatiskam si oči, da ne bi videla, kako veliko deklet danes meče oči le za tipi, za katere slutijo, da imajo denar. Tako pač je, tako so jim oprali glavo doma, v šoli, v medijih, ki jih berejo + gledajo, v okolju, kjer se gibljejo…..
Ljubezen je danes postala potrošno blago, NE povsod, marsikje pa! IN če hočeš dobro sebi, svojemu egu in navsezadnje tudi dobremu počutju, potem “išči” dekle kje drugje kot si bil do sedaj vajen. Morda bo tvoj trud odtetala kakšna nežna rama, pa topla dlan, ki ti bo segla v lase. Kdo ve?!
Sicer pa: enako govorim tudi svojemu sinu, pa upam, da ga bo, enako kot tebe, nekega lepega sončnega dne srečala pamet:-)))
Mica
Avgust 6th, 2006 at 10:52
hahahaha, meni je pa všeč, ona!!! Dobro napisano, Mitja. Ampak, to, da si stoprocentni Slovenec pa ne more biti neka posebna kvaliteta ali? Pa še nekaj - saj ni vse čisto res, a? Če pa je, potem pa je res kriza. Pa ne zaradi razmerja Slovenci - Jug, temveč zaradi krize vrednot.
In, Mica, a sem ti rekla, kje se išče partnerja? Po internetu, ne pa v Globalu! Mitja, tukaj na Delu-blog je kar nekaj zelo fejst punc tvoje starosti, tako, da ne išči drugje, če si že tu!!!! haha LP
Avgust 6th, 2006 at 11:55
O, hvala za komentarje :)
ona: Upam ja, da bo moj trud odtehtala kakšna nežna rama ali pa topla dlan :) Sicer nimam problemov z ženskami (se da najti, četudi si aleternativec in nemodno oblečen), ampak vseeno… Pri 90% nimam šans, ker gledajo samo kako si oblečen :)
Dajana: Ni tako hudo:) Malo sem pretiraval s situacijami, ampak je pa podobno… Tko da ja… prišlo je do ogromne krize vrednot! Hm… Iskanje punce po blogu? :) hehehe, zanimivo :)
Avgust 6th, 2006 at 12:03
Mitja, welcome to the club. Beri moj blog: Saj imam tebe. In druge seveda. hahaha LP
http://www.delo.si/blog/piramide/index.php?BLOG_PATH=1326,5983
Avgust 6th, 2006 at 15:20
Vse je v L-ju. Pravilno izgovorjen “L” ti da zmago. Pojdi pred ogledalo in reci: “Džabe ti jo poližem!” In pazi na “L”.
Avgust 7th, 2006 at 13:21
Hehe, mene pa so že lastnoročno vrgli iz Globala. Nek redar ni razumel konceptualne umetnosti, ki sva jo s prijateljico izvajali na nekem hodniku…in res, kdo pri zdravi pameti bi si šel tja iskat babo?! Že od Ljev ti rata slabo, kaj šele od bleščic in briljantine…bravo seksislep. :))
Avgust 14th, 2006 at 10:33
Joooj ti ubogi sexyslepec!Taka je tvoja situacija…?Ti bi se prou mogu potolazit z eno dobro sosedo,ki bi po moznosti bila se iz istega bloka,sej ves,k une u ameriskih filmih..sam skoda k se to u realnosti ne dogaja.Ja jebiga,js ti svetujem al da res zacnes vadit un L al si pa samo obleci uno turkizno zeleno pleteno jopico,ki jo imas se verjetno iz pamtiveka,s katero se mi zdi da se mirno lahko kosas s cicoti iz bosne…bos meu usaj neki kar zgleda da je prslo juznije od metlike..:P
Hehe,Lp
Avgust 14th, 2006 at 14:39
ooo tole je pa super!!! sem se kar nasmejala..
Pa sej ni treba it ravn v globala, da srečaš take osebke. povsod jih je dost. in pol čudn gledajo, ko ne razumeš, kaj hočejo povedat.
September 10th, 2006 at 21:35
:)))))) ćao, brate. pozdrav od južnjakinje hahahahahahahaha
luštno!
September 10th, 2006 at 22:02
Napisal si >>>>Priznam, da se ne oblačim modno in da imam veliko raje kot modne hlače in majice z bleščečimi verižicami navadne kavbojke, po možnosti malo strgane, sprano majico in 30-let staro ‘old school’ jopico, ki ima velik potencial, da nase privabi kakšno zanimivo družinico moljev. Namesto čevljev ali modnih superg, ki v prosti prodaji stanejo več kot 20000 SITnih pa imam raje t.i. All-starke, ki se zaradi ‘zgonjenosti’ na vse kriplje trudijo, da ne razpadejo. >>>>> če si res tak, si moj !!!! :)
O tem na koga vedno bolj padajo čistokrvne Slovenke je bilo že nekje govora ja, in celo en gospod (ki med drugim piše kolumne v eni prilogi nekega časopisa) je tule zapisal o tem nekaj besed - me je malce zbodel, pa sma se potem lepo sporazumela….
Ta scena v Lj in v teh oh-in-sploh fensi šmensi disco clubih presega vse meje okusa in te povsem razumem, da nisi več ravnodušen in prijazen do takih žensk. To je živ primitivzem, neotesanost - čista! Kar se tiče Balkanizma….tule….seveda bodimo iskreni Slovenci (torej govorim o 100% Slovencih) nimajo najbolj radi vsega tistega, kar je “južno”. Seveda ne bomo spet posploševali, ampak recimo da se govori o velikem % tako mislečih…pač polno predsodkov.
Taka dejanja in kriminal teh ljudi, priseljencev žal povečuje negativno mišljenje o teh narodih nasplošno….to je kopica teh, ki žal tudi niso velikokrat osnovno izobraženi, brez manir in brez kulture….jaz sem pol-pola in imam rada PRAV VSE (in mislim, da si te neprijetnosti doživel predvsem z najstnicami…).
Kdo pa “zna” bolj z ženskami, kdo na boljši način osvaja..
September 10th, 2006 at 22:03
….hm…se da naredit eno analizo :) Nekaj je že starih, znanih dejstev….pač….tak kot so večji šarmerji in po zunanji lepoti glede na celotn nardo bolj privlačni in poželjivi Južno Američani kot pa moški iz Anglije npr., mislim, da so južnjaki na našem koncu bolj odprti kot Slovenci. Gre se za pristop…ne govori se o značajih.
Sicer pa…kaj ma narodnost zveze s čustvi!? Nič.
Sicer pa se tem ponucam reče: sponzoruše…ta beseda tud svoje pomeni, seveda negativno.
Global ni zate :)…..pridi v Takos v MB :))))
Lp, Anč
September 10th, 2006 at 22:05
ponucam >>>> puncam :)
no, pa tu da še dodam: Kaj ma narodnost veze s privlačnostjo - tud nič….
September 11th, 2006 at 19:02
Hja… Tkole je. Veliko ljudi je zamešalo vse skupaj. Jaz nikoli nisem in tudi nikoli ne bom pecal ženske po raznih disko klubih, ker:
1. Niso po mojem okusu (imam rad vse, razen jetrc in krvavic)
2. So vse za źur in venomer samo to počnejo, ker nimajo drugega pametnejšega dela
3. Enkrat samkrat sem bil v Globalu (obletnica mature) in še takrat sem mislil, da bom umrl (živo prdenje iz zvočnikov, pocaste mize - pravzaprav limanci; če si se naslonil gor si se počutil kot nemočna muha, ki je do nedavnega še brezskrbno letala po zraku -, usrane sanitarije - vse pobruhano, posrano… Pravzaprav je hlev hotel s petimi zvezdicami proti tistim parim kvadratnim metrom v Globalu -, 27+ tipi, ki pecajo 13-letne, cena ‘piva’ - če Gosser Ice lahko rečemo pivo - 600 sit za 0.3L… Skratka katastrofa od katastrofe!). To enostavno nisem jaz niti ne moji kolegi in kolegice (večina).
4. Veliko vas je spregledalo del kolumne, v katerem sem napisal, da bi odšel v Global pecat ženske samo v primeru, če bi me v glavo zadel opečnik. Sicer z raznimi neuspehi v Globalu nimam nikakršnih izkušenj, ker se niti nisem spravil početi kaj bolj konkretnega (v največji meri zaradi tega, ker se mi je vse skupaj nadvse gravžalo… Same pleh pijane ženske z vakuumom v glavi, ki padajo samo na zlate bančne kartice in tipe, ki imajo puding na glavi, da jim lasje stojijo nekam v luft).
5. Napisal pa sem to kolumno, ker ima 90% mojih kolegic tipe z juga in nikoli niso bile skupaj s Slovencem. Se pa take stvari (kot sem jih navedel) dogajajo povsod, ne samo v diskotekah… :) Kar se mi zdi naravnost smešno. Sicer svojih kolegic ne obsojam, ampak mi je smešno. Kaj naj rečem… Jebat ga!
Drugače pa hvala za vse komentarje in ocene. Se dobimo enkrat in gremo na pivo… Kam? Na Metelkovo ali pa nekam bolj kul :)
Ćiao!
September 11th, 2006 at 21:39
E, lepo si to povedal :)
Sicer še nism bila v Globalu…sem iz Mb, vem pa kakšn sloves ima…torej, ja, iskat žensko ali moškega zvečer, ko ga greš žurat/čagat, ni pametno…dobro, lahk se ti zgodi izjemna, nepričakovano, ampak ok, kot si rekel….
Imela sem izkušnje z moškimi različnih narodnosti, seveda tudi s Slovenci :) In ti povem, da, ja…vsak je bil po svoje dober (seveda ne merim sedaj na izgled).
Nič ti ne bo škodilo, če naletiš na žensko, ki ni čista Slovenka in tega morda takoj ne boš vedel, pa te pa bo vseeno začarala :))
Ja, pijačka ja….Metelkova - no, tam pa sem že bila :))), alternativna scena, zanimivo.
Pivo? Ja, vina ne pijem :)
September 11th, 2006 at 21:41
Še vedno pa vabim vse neMariborčane :) v Maribor v Takosa ;))) ali KMŠ (v Mb je boljši kot v Lj ;).
September 12th, 2006 at 11:47
Matr ameli, me maš rada :*
Ja zdej bom razčistu s tem Globalom once and for all v naslednjem prispevku na mojem blogu. Coming (very) soon!
September 12th, 2006 at 16:22
;)
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